I get a lot of calls from men desperate to learn how they can last longer. After asking a few questions, I usually discover they’ve trained themselves to ejaculate quickly through masturbation. Or because the man realizes his wife or partner gets bored, he’s trained himself to get off quickly to accommodate her short attention span. That’s a topic I’ll address in another article.
Before changing your habits, because this is something that requires diligent practice, at least 15 minutes twice a day for a couple months in order to change, it’s helpful to ask if your partner really wants you to have the ability to pound her for a long time. Not every woman desires that, and most do not reach orgasm through intercourse, so it may be more useful to apply yourself to learning how to give her an amazing experience that helps her to desire more sex with you.
Nonetheless, being able to fuck for a long time is something men aspire to and these techniques are useful not only for delaying ejaculation but beginning to train your body to experience an orgasmic or ecstatic state, which is what the musician Sting, who has studied Tantra and Taoist erotic practices, is referring to when he talks about how he can make love to his wife for hours.
So, the most important thing to do is to shift from the idea of masturbating –scratching the itch quickly and quietly—to self-pleasuring, which is touching oneself purely for the pleasure of the arousal, without seeking the goal of getting off
- Practice self-pleasuring. Bring yourself to the edge where you might usually let go and then back off, stopping or easing off the stimulation
- Pee before starting sex and take a break to go pee in the middle. It will give you a chance to breathe and may help alleviate physical pressure to release.
- Visualize moving the energy of arousal up the spine from the genitals to the top of the head and back down again. Make some sounds of pleasure. This can be a little challenging because we all trained ourselves to be quiet with masturbation for fear of being caught. Sound creates a vibration which will move the energy throughout your body.
- As you slow down the stimulation, remember to keep breathing slowly and deeply. Panting and breathing hard are associated in your brain with ejaculation. You are training your body to slooooow down. Try different speed and a variety of strokes as you avoid doing whatever your body recognizes as the “jack off” stroke.
- You will need to become skilled at observing your level of excitement or arousal so that you know how to get yourself up from 1 (no arousal at all) to 7 or 8 and staying back from 8.5 or 9 if you normally explode at 10.
- Practice self-pleasuring. Bring yourself to the edge where you might usually let go and then back off, stopping or easing off the stimulation. You can also try gripping the penis at the base of the shaft right above the balls.
- Practice kegels as described here. Incorporate kegels into your practice. Stronger muscles can help you to clamp down on the penis and delay ejaculation. They can also help you raise your sexual energy throughout the day as you practice them without anyone being the wiser.
- If you have a hard time finding privacy, you might try self-pleasuring in the shower, putting lubricant on your penis and then a condom over it. The condom will slide more pleasurably than water alone. And if you find you go “Oops, too far,” and you’re going to ejaculate, make it a good one! Go for it. There is no right and wrong. These are just some things to try out. You might also check out the fleshlight, which is said to have a lovely sensation as do the Tenga eggs.
- The next step is to have a talk with your partner and explain, “Honey, I love you. I want to be able to give you as much pleasure as possible. So I may need to stop and breathe once we begin intercourse.
- You might shift from intercourse to giving your partner oral sex to keep her stimulated while you let your own body relax a bit and back off from the edge.
* The idea of visualizing the energy and making sound are a little “woo-woo” for some people, but one man who took on this practice quite diligently –15-30 minutes two to three times a day—said that he now experiences energetic orgasms rolling through his body and a feeling of energy shooting out of the end of cock, experiences he’d never had before. He’s also been able to master going for a long as he desires, so I know these techniques collected from working with clients, as well as resources including the book, The Multi-Orgasmic Couple.
What I am able to do in a session (either in person or by skype) is assist you relaxing and coach you to practice these techniques until they become automatic. Please also check out Part Two of this article on how to assure that you continue to enjoy strong erections as the two parts form the basis of how men can enjoy an ecstatic state every time they make love.
Contact Andrea of email@example.com for more information.